Thursday, November 18, 2010

Lord, Awaken My Heart

I'm sorry I have not posted recently. I have been lacking inspiration and we've been eating leftovers.

You know, it's been hard since I got back from Mexico. It's like I can't remember the things that used to keep me busy and interested. I have been sinking into a hole of loneliness, boredom and apathy, and have been wasting my days on the computer, just filling time. I have fallen back into the bad habit of emotional bingeing on junk food. I haven't been happy, and I don't know how I got here.

Then, I had a revelation yesterday. I have been fighting physically against these emotions and bad habits and failing miserably. I am failing because I failed to realize that this war isn't in the physical, it is spiritual.

I don't like to admit this, but a weakness of mine is depending on circumstances for the quality of my relationship with God. When I was serving on the mission field surrounded by strong Christian brothers and sisters it was easy to be strong in the Lord. Since I have been married we have moved around and had to make new friends and find new church homes. I have felt isolated. I wasn't surrounded by that strong Christian community and I have deteriorated.

I have become selfish with my time, resources, and energy, and have turned down opportunities to serve just because I didn't feel like it. Yesterday I had to take a step back and ask why. How did I get here? Do you want to know what the answer is? It is because I have done nothing. I am sure you have heard of the quote "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing". I have not been spending time in the Word, in meditation, in memorization, and in prayer. I have become empty.

I feel the Lord leading me to a time of fasting and prayer. To seek His face, His heart, and His vision, and claim His promises over my life. I will meditate on His word and purpose in my heart to obedient to His call. 

I started fasting this morning and I am  not sure yet how long it is supposed to last. However long it takes for God to speak. Please pray with me that I would allow God to fill my heart with His love and refill me with the Holy Spirit. I need your prayers! 

1 comment:

  1. Praying for you--hope that your re-entry blues pass soon. We get to hang out in like two days! Can't wait! I got something for you too. See you soon, fasting-praying-Christian-girl-woman-chick.


If you are a blogger and not using blogspot please feel free to leave your blog URL as your nickname or in the body of your comment.